Sunday, February 21, 2010

*&(^%(*@&^$ DON'T ASK!!!!!!!

Cuz I'm MORE than willing to SHARE my ~!#%##@##&^@^(@ day with you!!!!!! Brace yourselves for a long post, PICTURELESS!

So, it started like this.....

Hubby had an alarm set for 5:40, but it wasn't just our clock alarm-----NOPE! It was the alarm from his phone, which LITERALLLLLLLLLLLLY made BOTH of us jump to our feet when it went off! Holy BUCKETS!!!!!!!!!!!! It was like having a flippin CAVALRY CHARGE of bugels in our bedroom!!!!!!!

Somehow, sleep was able to find its way back into my mind and body, because the next thing I knew, it was 7:30 and Caitlyn was at my side saying, "Mom, can you turn on the cartoons?" DH amazingly DID get up at his alarm to head out ice-fishing.

So, coffee and french-toast was on the menu this morning (well, coffee for me, Sunny Delight for the girls). But, while sitting at the breakfast table---I FINALLY had had enough!

Let me explain.....

we have MANY MANY LARGE windows in our house. We have a loft-style house with HUGE windows in the Grand room / Living & Dining area. On sunny days, it is near impossible to find a place to sit without having sun blaring directly at you. Mind you, I LOVE the sun! But the four of us were scrunching into one corner of the breakfast table because we were getting blinded!!!! Enough is enough. So...........

.......curtains, here we go!

[[yeah, yeah---hubby is peering over my shoulder as I type, giggling and laughing and saying...."'bout time!"]]
[[and continuing to cackle, because he is remembering my ..... well..... my TANTRUM from a couple of hours ago. More to come on that soon....]]
I spent about an hour just peeking through boxes and bags to find fabric that would be suitable for curtains and shades. I did hit a jackpot of very heavy linens with plenty of yardage. I actually was thinking of giving this box back to my mother to donate to church, because I would NEVER have used it in a quilt. Good thing I held on to it.

Still motivated, I started ironing yards and yards of fabric; NOT smelling all that great, mind you. I figured I would give them a good washing ONCE the curtains were completed.

So, out came my book: "Curtains, Draperies and Shades: A step-by-step guide". Psht! I should have found a book titled..."Ummm, you sure you want to take this on? OK---Curtains, Draperies and Shades for Dummies and the literally insane!"

After half hour of reading, re-reading, scratching my head, and reading again, I figured I was ready to actually start cutting.

I started by cutting two pieces of a nicer flannel that will be used for Roman Shades on the inner windows of the French Doors in our dining area. At the same time, I cut two panels of a tan linen to be used for lining the shades. Then....I found myself scratching my head: 'Should I fuse the lining and front panels??' I had enough fusing to cover MOST of the panels, but the sides would have been left. I spent another 30 minutes searching the book to see if it said anything about fusing, but couldn't find anything stated (even though it lists fusing as a supply???)

Anyway, so, LOTS of steam, pressing hems: tops, bottoms, sides. UGH!!!!! Then LOTS of pinning to have the lining fit perfectly behind the front panel.

Okay, at this point, it was lunch time. Things were still running smoothly, just PUTZY!!!!!!!!!!!
[[lunch -- BBQ sandwiches and homemade frenchfries]]

After lunch, I was finally able to sew. This step wasn't that bad, but I would have been nicer had I had my Bernina and a WALKING foot!!!!!

But, an hour later----two panels for the French Door windows DONE. They now await DH's assistance for the top mounting board. I also need to shop for some rings and draw-string.

It was 2:00...
still feeling motivated, I figured I would start tackling a tab-curtain for the living room.

The window measures 80" wide (finished) and the pattern suggests 1.5-2 times that length. I had 130" of fabric, PERFECT (a little more than 1.5 times the width). THIS is heavy heavy linen fabric. Nothing fancy in color or design, meerly functional.

Ironing 130" of HEAVY linen is NOT FUN! PAIN in the tuckus for sure! BUT, after an HOUR HOUR HOUR!!!!!, I had the bottom hem pressed and pinned and sewn. Then, it was time to move to the sides. These weren't that bad, because it was only 60" worth (I am not making curtains to the floor). Oh, and I also am NOT lining this curtain, so I figured it wouldn't be that bad, right?

The sides were hemmed. And even at this point, I was still okay; losing a little motivation, but still going...
Then, back to reading the book; how to make tabs. Okay, seemed straight forward, and really it was, it's just this FABRIC is a ROOOOOOYAL *&^(*@&^! [[breathe, breathe, calm down]]

Okay, snip, snip--16 tabs cut. Press, press, burn finger with the flippin' steam because these stupid things are only 2.5" wide (cut) and 1.75" finished. BUT, after some time (I've stopped keeping track!) they were ready to be sewn. Again, I wished I would have had my Bernina to put a decorative stitch on them, but needed to settle for a simple straight-stitch. No biggy.

Then.....time to attach the tabs to the curtain panel. The math was easy----every 8" (because by this point, the width was 120"). Pinning wasn't that bad, but getting a bit tougher due to the thickness of seams and fabrics in some spots.

Schlepping the weight over to the machine, parking my butt in chair, ready to put in the final line of stitching......

BREAK goes needle #1 at the first attempt of sewing the end.
BREAK goes the thread at the second attempt of sewing the end.
Okay, starting to get frustrated......
Insert size 16 needle.....
Let me explain what this "end" looks like
2 layers of bottom tab
6 layers of fabric panel (panel edges were double hemmed, and the ends have BOTH the top and side edges overlapped)
2 layers of top tab.
So that's TEN layers of fabric (THINK LINEN FABRIC) trying to get sewn!
Thankfully, the third time was the charm, and I was able to get past the end.
Every 8 inches, I came upon another tab that needed sewing (now only SEVEN layers since I only had the top edge to contend with)
My machine wasn't liking the thickness, but I muscled it along a little bit....
As I was nearing the final tabs, getting into a groove and SO THANKFUL it was almost done.....



But what's worse..........


[[breathe, breathe]]
((yeah, even **I** am laughing over this NOW....but at the time, a few choice words were shared in my serene quilting space.))

I headed upstairs to calm down a bit, and got a glass of water, then....back downstairs.....

So....wound up a new bobbin....WOUND the excess thread BACK on the spool (ya know, the thread from the LAST 90 INCHES!!!)

And sewed that &*!(#&^# seam AGAIN!

By the time I finished it, I was DONE with curtains forever!!!!!

Upstairs, DH was putzing, cooking something 'er other. I showed him the curtain panel and said it was all his now. He needed to come up with something to use as a rod (we have so much wood and lumber laying around that should work perfectly), and he said "No problem."



He walks over to the window and holds up the curtain to the window and asked me why it was so big?


After the DAY I had downstairs......[[seeeeeeeething now!]]
I let it fly!

[[insert typical childhood trantrum here, only picture a 34 year old quilter who TRIED doing a nice thing for her husband who has nagged and nagged her to make some curtains, and so she DID and spent HER entire free time ALL DAY working on this #(*$^(@*&^ curtain that is "too big""????]]

EXCUUUUUUSE me honey, but I READ THE *@^#(*@&^ directions! They are SUPPOSED to be longer than the actual window so they can "bulk" up and "look NICE!".

But then----I reallllly lost it when I realized that I didn't split the *&^(@^ fabric into TWO PANELS!!!!!!!!!!!! One for each side of the *&#^$(@ window!

So, I yanked the flippin' curtain out of his hands, shared a few MORE choice words, and stomped down the stairs, SLAMMING the door behind me and threw the *&^(#@ thing on the floor, which is where it STILL is!

It will REMAIN there until I find the ambition to face the stupid thing again! My next task with it: split it in two pieces, which really SHOULD be easy---cut it in the middle and sew a new side hemmed seam. BUT...I don't want to think about that right now.

***huffy sigh***
Hopefully YOU actually enjoyed YOUR Sunday!


Patchwork Penguin said...

I am so sorry........ but i'm sitting here laughing cause I know this would have been me!!!!

Thus the reason I go to the Penney's catalog and dial the 1-800 number.

Bless you hon!! I truly want to see the pictures

scraphappy said...

So, isn't it good you are a math teacher and not an interior decorator? I made 19 foot tall curtains when we moved into our new house, so I completely understand where you are coming from. I wanted the curtains though, and mindset is critical. Who new that quilts were easier than drapes? Really not funny at all, except that we've all been there and done that.

Crafty Maine Mom said...

Some days if it's not one thing it's another. I hope the next time you do finally pick that curtain up nothing goes wrong.

Jackie said...

It's not funny but I'm glad I'm not the only one that has moments like this!

I predict you're not going to let those curtains get the best of you.

Calidore said...

I know I shouldn't laugh...snort,giggle....and honest I'm trying not too....teeheee.....but I can just see you throwing a major tantrum.....choke....and hubby standing there wondering what on earth is the matter.....gasp. Been there done that if it helps. Sewing curtains is the pits. Hope the next day is so much better.

deborah said...

Oh my...I did have to giggle, but at least you didn't toss the curtain (I've been known to toss something in the midst of a moment:)) When you do pick it back up, you will be a bit calmer and it won't take you anytime to fix it. Remember, we're pulling for you:)

Anonymous said...

Amy, I too am laughing,with you, as I can picture the whole scene. Some days are like this, yip they are, but you will go down and finish this out, cause the sun is going to just get brighter and you are really going to need this drapery.

Linda said...

Amy, you are too funny. I loved this post. What a way to spend the day, huh? I have made curtains and drapes and will never do it again. Quilts are so much easier. Ok, pick it up and finish, you'll feel better and your blood pressure will come back to normal. Then, next time, call Penney's like Nancy suggested! hugs, Linda

SheilaC said...

OH, I was empathizing with you big time when I got to the part about the bobbin.... happily sewing along and then I finally realize that the bobbin ran out ages ago!!
I hate that! Should be a little buzzer or something :)

Hang in there.... I am sure they will be great when you cut them in half!


Amanda said...

Lots of wry smiles here in the UK. I'm afraid I draw the line at making anything other than simple unlined cotton curtains, anything else has to be bought. I know my limitations, and those of my machine and my sewing space and my iron, and my temper etcetera etcetera. AND I simply can't understand why sewing machine manufacturers haven't understood the frustrations of an empty bobbin; surely it can't be that difficult to fit a buzzer or something to let you know? Best of luck with finishing the curtains today - I bet they don't lay on the floor too long, just think of all that ironing they'll need.

Candace said...

I remember throwing pie crust at the wall in the early years of my marriage, I think it felt kind of good. Sorry you had a bad day, but it did make a good story, lol. I didn't sew at all yesterday, because I have about 100 inches (literally) of Carolina Christmas to rip out, as I sewed the top to the bottom instead of the bottom to the top (or something like that). Marriage is a learning process for husbands too, they just have to know when not to speak. At one point DH learned his lesson, he used to say, "I'm not trying to rush you, and it's no hurry, but have you given any thought about what we're having for supper?", it worked a lot better for him than "What's for supper?". He knew to use the right tone of voice, too.

Linda said...

Oh Amy! (Posting this with a smile and a laugh) Knowing your body language and movements-I could visual your animated "frustrations"! I agree with Nancy--next time check out a Penny's sale catalog! However, also knowing you--you will be determined to prove that these window treatments will not beat you!!!

Morah said...

I don't know what impressed me more...your fortitude or the fact that you "went upstairs and drank a glass of water" instead of vodka!!!LOL!!!! You'll be sooo proud once you finish them!

Tracy said...

I'm sorry I just had to smile at one point in your post! I detest window treatments of any kind...I washed the curtains in our bedroom and they are still waiting to be rehung like 4 months later!
You might try looking at this website although, after all your hard work, maybe not!